I was given the impression from one person that this was a totally cringe-worthy chick flick, but obviously the person who loaned it to me thought it was a worthwhile watch. So I began not really knowing what to expect. Seeing the 'R' rating gave me a little shock, but it was nothing overly outrageous. Some pill-popping and teenagers being teenagers.
This movie made me cry buckets. 'Sweaty eye syndrome' was suggested, but this was more along the lines of 'sweaty because I've just run a marathon barefoot over gravel' syndrome, so I'll just admit I bawled. More than I have in a long, long time. But in the middle of a teary part, something would happen to make me laugh, so I think I could watch it again and enjoy it. (There are some really funny lines).
There was so much in this movie. How to make something of your life, even with only a few months to live. What makes us happy. How to make our kids happy and productive people. How do you know who you are? How we relate to our parents, how we see them and judge them and react to them. Even though the movie was made about 10 years ago, it is so pertinent to today. More on that soon.
The family situation reminds me a bit of the 2 movies I've seen in the last year about school killings. A house which is more magazine than home, and a father who is more absent than involved. And a lack of hugs. Not so apparent in the other movies (Beautiful Boy and We Need to Talk About Kevin), I only really noticed it here because the youngest child is so free with giving hugs. When he gives an unsolicited hug to his dad, the dad finds something that the boy needs to fix (wash hands or do homework or something like that). On the subject of physical contact, one scene really struck me. In the earlier part, the main character, George, is in hospital and his nurse touches his forehead. He comments that he hasn't been touched in a while and the nurse is surprised. "Everyone is touched by someone who loves them", she says. That is taking so much for granted. There have been times in my life where I've been without physical contact for weeks and weeks, and only when a student has given a spontaneous hug that the drought has been broken.
This movie also highlighted the connectedness of our lives. We see a family extended through divorce and remarriage. As the house gets going, neighbours start to chip in and by the end there are about 20 people at work. The Problem Neighbour is persuaded not to stop progress of the house as he is unfortunately connected to Sam (the 16-yr-old son of George). Another neighbour - actually, if I say there are decades of neighbourly interaction I think that will be enough.
Rules, boundaries and risks. Such a fine balance that is needed. Children need boundaries, guidelines for what is ok and not. But when does a boundary become a box? George had been restricted by his father's ideas for his whole life and only when he has merely months to live does he pull down those walls (literally and figuratively) and make his life his own. Although his death is terribly sad and so frustrating now that he's making good connections with his son, how wonderful that he had this forewarning that he didn't have long, and the courage to do what he needed to do with his life. Not all of us get this chance, or the vision to see past the walls put up around us by ourselves and by others. We need boundaries, but we also need to take risks. If we don't take risks we don't grow and are again restricted in our lives (just like me ice skating yesterday), plus we don't develop the resilience needed when life deals us a surprise blow. As I said, just as pertinent now as 10 years ago, if not more so. Navigating what's ok and what's not, believing in our kids and protecting them from the horrors in the world but giving them the skills to deal with life on their own - I'm sometimes amazed that people manage to turn out well-adjusted at all.
How do we know who we are? As a creative person, this question has plagued me for many years (closely twinned with Does my life have purpose?). Sam says, "I am what I say I am", and this is in some ways such a true statement, but in other ways such an unhelpful statement. I am what I say I am (provided my actions correspond), but how do I know what to say? I can say whatever I want, but how do I know which version of me is true, and how do I stay true to myself? How can I build my life to be as Me as I can? And how can I still be happy? It seems the key to happiness is to do what we love - which seems like such an obvious statement, but how many of us ignore this and do what we think others want us to do, or do what will make others happy instead of ourselves? When Sam finally starts to help with the house (against his wishes, but a useful task) he finally finds some self-worth. Partly because his dad didn't give up on him, but made him stay there for the summer to do something useful with his life instead of wasting those months with a friend. And how blokey, for them to bond over pulling down a building (it reminded me of the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa thinks she's losing her smarts, and Homer and Bart are delighted by a tv show of buildings being torn down). Even more, by the end Sam has grown as a person so much that his last act is so selfless, so mature, so right, correcting his grandfather's misdeed.
So now I need to ask myself: am I happy? am I doing what I really love? am I building a house (metaphorically) that I love and is me, or am I building four walls around me that are restricting my life?
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